Turns out

The freedom doesn’t lie outside the boundaries
We’re born into shackles, locked down –
Into a home you wouldn’t leave free
The cage, and the one holding up the key
Is in fact – both you and me
An idealism God’s once blessing
Nectar bestowed upon human soul
Today the poison in reality’s many faces
And a tear falling down cracked shiny armour
So the shield I lifted, against very own being
Becoming a wraith, cynism my friend has become
Not these strangers I wouldn’t look up
For their ignorance, and my beautiful –
Yet broken heart





Inspired by – Bad Sign – Kellermensch









In a split second all has been revealed

The cause of my headache, trembling voice – with lack of answers fighting. Through the fog crusade, onwards… Dilemma of a poisonous effect, two-sided marvel and a beggar in between where no one knows what it gets.

For his eyes treasure forbidden, either painless cannot be. Not for him though you would think, we shall wait and see. Bringing doom over what is being left.

To handle such, an act
Reserves of indifference needed
Or else let them find happiness
Losing beggar off of sight
For whom the world he lives
Is the world he can stand
More than he ever would –
Breaking someone’s heart




I have finally got to sit and draft it once more, though I’m spitting my words organizing its format just a little, this seems to be looking more complex now. I’m sorry for throwing down half-baked writing early on, hope you don’t mind a bit of cringe.






There I am
Standing on the rooftop in fear
Overseeing the contempt
That leaks down my side
Where the knife pulled out
Hasn’t healed – the mind
Rolls down the blanket
Immune, invisible wants to be
When opened vulnerable spot –
Shuts down, won’t let you in
Reunite with the heart
The harmony of both eyes
Following disgraceful path
Stigma clouds the judgement –
Achievement of lesser degree
So I can’t drag you
Or please to wait
For me to heal




Edit: Both writings – the one from yesterday and today – are related to each other, having the same point highlighted. Whoever reads it should understand my recent absence, without posting anything for a while.






I’m counting, marking down the calendar
Cross of black every day passing
Getting me closer, plans will become
Non-verbal meaning comes thought
Life to be wasted, removed – forgotten
I shall do what it suits
No routine nor shackles
Or these faces I had given –
Remaining trust is no more
Tempting to tear this false apart
Without any more time, on hold
Patience my friend who cares of me
Telling me stories before falling asleep
What’s gonna look like –
Building this all from scratch
With your face nowhere to be seen








Jealousy of your words
That have praised the ended
A salt to my wounds
Though the pain faded

With no respect
Nor expectations towards
The niceness mistaken
For a sign

The red flag blows
In a wind strikes my eye
Examples of previous
But not my life

Composed expression
Turned off the back
Knowing that failure –
And you won’t ask

So when you don’t watch
I’ll shut down the door
Then throw out the key
Before you even know –

I’ll be gone





Phase of chaos


In a phase of chaos
Surrounded by unknown
When the future holds answers
And I hold onto life
Displeased in myself
Ashamed of my state
That I fear living –
Even telling the truth
Surface seems calm
Appeal to dive
Beneath instead –
Nothing more, just dark
“Should I” is the word
A key with no lock
Hammered my head
The minute we’re close
Then I receive
A reminder of which
Resolve and troubles ongoing
Meant to go by
Ignore you and fight
Hoping to be back in time
Scared of the sight
Losing you – say Bye
Thus I…

What should I do?


Edit: This is a follow up to the previous poem, use of words – or my word choices – are similar in the context as well as the entire mood. Whoever has anything to say and comment, feel free and welcomed to do so, as I’m stuck.






Am I
a forgotten memory
missing chapter of the book
written by an unknown author
discovered after years –
basement’s treasure

The protagonist of the story
shackled in a mirage
illusionary belief that the future
holds more than reality
locked down upon the dots
with no fate

Legacy has grown into the core
shapes actions undertaken
and reminds of the past
as if the sentence is being given
leaves me waiting
to be executed

Can I escape
without a trail of my feets
handing single torch
through the forest’s passage
outwards from a bestowed curse
that poisoned my life

She has a will
a puzzle I couldn’t ever find
and energy I admire
but then, bring to the table
rotten flesh – myself
being worthless

An effort to put into –
change coming within the months
or yet another failure
for you to wait and see
a crime towards your dreams
for which I can’t judge

So I will step back
worthy of your heart will appear
stealing your fire
that I won’t handle
because the ice
can only melt

Maybe you’ll think back
of the guy who stares
and ignites intensity
forever wearing melancholy
that covers his scars
before you

When the fear of letting you go
is lesser than the fear of not being able
to stay by your side, to make you feel proud
of who I become