Burning

How many times have I pushed the self-destruct button?

In search of a fresh start I cast aside the pieces, watching as my world burns to ashes before my eyes. It’s a personal, final act, yet each time I try to rebuild, I always find myself back at square one.

And so I start again from scratch.

But with each attempt, it becomes more difficult to find the motivation to keep going, the sense of accomplishment that propels me forward. The wind no longer carries me, but instead I must fight against it, battling a losing war. It should have the opposite effect, fuelling my growth in a world that seems so fragile.

Maybe I’m trying to escape the expectations that come with life, or chasing the dream of becoming something unique, existing outside of the lines that define human life. But it all seems foolish now. The chains of daily life are tightening, slipping from the things I care about, forcing me to do things that bring me no joy.

I know that life won’t ever be easy, that success won’t come without effort. But as much as I enjoy sour foods, I feel like I’m becoming sour myself. With a hopeless, dim outlook, I can no longer see the path I need to take.

3AM

3.00 am

Now that the thought of going to sleep
Seems mesmerising –
Soothing for some reason
I wish I could either go on
Or otherwise just be there hanging
For what is worth
My eyes would be there focused
Whatever lies beyond I cannot see

Let it be the last time

…

Beat

I did see the colours
Perhaps, it did not matter
At that time – recollection
My heart would not skip the beat
Perplexed it felt instead
Slow to adjust –
Crippling sensation in hiding
For each that fell, longing
Everlasting fog-like burden
Distorts and cripples –
Sways towards long closed path
As if, neither of those little strands
Could ever pull a bit closer –
Light up and dispell
Agony, the choke-hold
Breathing the dust
My lungs – my life

Will it ever turn golden?

Indefinite

Indefinite
Safe to say –
It had to come

With no answers at hand
Suffocated within –
Numbness of comfort sham

Thus the reality does not appeal
And won’t entice
For many reasons though

Just roll the dice

Reckless the dream
Wild fire burning
Ocean that shallows the whole
Unwavered storms blasting through

Carried across the globe

None of these ever fear
All the primal forces
The Kings among themselves

As such I – little human

Fragile to nature
Fearful of dark
Whenever hearing –

You can be this, and that

Doubt the money
Prestige – whatever that is
A plastic that slapps the face

I really laugh at times

No longer tears
To water the earth
No longer faithful
That anything has changed

Glueable

It fails
Insures the process goes on
For whatever is built
With no certainty –
Bear without attachment
In content welcome the change
And ability to grow
Pieces of glass-bottle –
Perhaps not glueable
Though refurbished it can be
So for every mistake we do
Every direction mindlessly taken
We have all – I wish –
The second chance

The Obsession

If I recall her –
Short-brunette with mischievous smile
Looks at me, once, twice; makes me feel odd
Though for some reason I don’t want it stop
Even with no words
Simply by look –
Just like a fisherman
Delude it, onwards – hook
Either the gold-fish
More of a shark
Before my eyeballs –
The glow – the spark
It has escaped
Depths of the sea
Holds on to secret
I want to see

Indeed

Oh well
After all, indeed
Whenever someone smiles
I do seek the shadow
Looming behind ones back

So is my nature I suppose

Tickle

Four walls have been watching –
Deteriorating into some alien form
Since no feedback given
Ignorant grew –
And whatever flourished prior
Had become distant
Resembled harsh winter
Within coldness remain
Though I was seeing –
Sun hiding before the night
Tickled my skin –
As if to invite
And play with it some more
Slowly, little by little
I may sprout again

Bear with me then –
Until I come out

Ps: Hello! Anybody still here? I know it has been a while, though I am now seriously considering going back to writing some more stuff, as well as do some more photography. Ever since the pandemics have started I could not bring myself to create anything I would consider decent. Maybe, just maybe, I will manage to crack the shell and join the community once more.

For now however, enjoy!

Keep in mind the photo is mine and you can see my small, humble library on my Instagram!

Approach

Minimalism approach
With so little –
Somewhat clearer becomes the life
Ill will swayed
Uphill portrayed –
Echoes nature’s breath
From within responds
And escapes trivial matter
Loneliness one comprehend
Thus for what the sadness
Regret of the chatter
Chanted snake’s face
Neither such worth it
Neither could such pretend
Those who reward you
Wait right up
Right up there

Top of the mountain

Idiocy

Disgrace, isn’t it

Does seeking purpose
Envious of tick-list snobs
Tempting such reality
Without hassle day by day
Against all odds – rejected

Constant struggle
Fear like brother pushing the back
Tip-toeing waters before each step
Emotional disillusion justified
Since crossing the river –
Some say three times
Is an idiocy

Nights and dreams full of marvel
Wish the sleep never ends
Routine exhausts even little spirit
That is left within this cold heart of mine
How annoying are these of which –
Prattle of their fulfilling lives

One doesn’t comprehend
No apple has two parts
Only the whole comes in
Among the others –
As a package at best
But never in half

I would become Tarzan
Or be just monkey jumping the trees
No matter what – with no regards
To what I’m expected
Whether my life is getting painted
Is all up to an artist

Who so happens have lost his brush
And the question is –
Who’s gonna lend it